Aircraft 4: Junkers Ju 87 'Stuka' Sturzkampfflugzeug

Aircraft 4: Junkers Ju 87 'Stuka' Sturzkampfflugzeug


“The Germans are coming in an absolutely steep dive, and you can see their bombs actually leave the machines and come into the water. You can hear our guns going like anything now. I can hear machine-gun fire but I can't see our Spitfires. They must be somewhere there.” - BBC radio reporter Charles Gardner.

Nationality: German (Third Reich)
Year of Production: 1933-1944.
Number built: 6500, estimated.
Weight (empty): 3.93 tons
Wingspan: 13.8 metres
Length: 11.5 metres
Height: 3.9 metres
Crew: 2
Speed: 410 kph, could handle diving speeds of 600 kph, reports of 835 kph attained.
Engine: Junkers Jumo 210A, 602 hp, replaced by other variants of Jumo engine, maxing at 1401 hp.
Armament: 4x 7.92 mm MG 17 machine guns, 1x 7.92 MG 15 machine gun, 250 to 500 kg bomb, 'Jericho trumpets', later variants had dual-barrel 7.92 mm MG 81Z machine gun replacing MG 15, 500-1200 kg bomb load, planned torpedo from 750-905 kg, and 2x 20 mm MG 151/20 cannon, with tank killer variant using 2x 37 mm Flak guns.

Background: I daresay most of you will recognise this aircraft from it's nickname. The dive bomber that helped the Germany army's blitzkerig across Europe, with the sirens of the devil or the banshee.

First used in the Spanish Civil War as part of the Condor Legion, the role of a dive bomber is simple. From height, it dives on you at a very fast speed, releases it's bomb, and pulls away. The screaming part was optional.

Also, did I mention the noise it made? I'll touch on that first, and include one video of it in the sources. From the video, it's this droning noise, which increases by a lot, and then the screaming of whatever the hell it is that's screaming, then there's the explosion, and one assumes the plane pulling away. Now, that's just one plane, I think that and a few others would be as scary as all goddamn hell.

The noise is by a thing called a Jericho trumpet, which are propeller driven sirens, which, although slowing the aircraft down by 20 to 25 kph, did the screaming noise that the aircraft was known for. After the trumpet was withdrawn, some bombs were fitted with whistles on the fin to try to emulate the noise.

And from that was born the vuvuzela.

Alright, not really. The aircraft itself was designed before 1928, with the view that the dive-bomber design had to be simple and robust, which lead to many features like the retractable undercarriage being removed.

After the events that lead to the rise of the Third Reich, the RLM, the German Aviation Ministry, of which I refuse to use the overly long name, gave it the go ahead, and in 1932, the double vertical stabilizers were introduced to assist the rear gunner.

Originally, the Ju 87 was fitted with a BMW engine, producing 600 hp, as well as dive brakes, which slow an aircraft when it's in a dive. When trials were done in 1934, Ernst Udet began diving at 1000 metres, and released his 1 kg bombs at 100 metres, barely escaping turning the aircraft into an additional 4 ton bomb. Despite the concerns held that such an aircraft might be too risky to be used by the average pilot in the Luftwaffe, Udet advocated that all medium bombers have dive-bombing capabilities.

Initially, the Ju 87 were powered by Rolls-Royce engines, and on a test flight, a failure in the twin fins and rudder ended up killing the chief test pilot and his engineer, after which, modifications were made to avoid that. Despite that, the RLM were not really interested, until Junkers offered to fit it with a Jumo 210 engine, and in early 1936, the testing continued. With joyous news from the RLM, who were so impressed that... they cancelled the development... Udet overrode the order, and development continued.

The Ju 87, in 1937, could take off in only 250 metres, and climb to 1.875 km in 8 minutes with a 250 kg bomb load, with a cruising speed of 250 kph. Despite that, there were pushes for a stronger engine, wanting the speed to be over 350 kph. The Jumo 210 Da engine was fitted, which boosted the speed to 290 kph.

Among other features, there was an automatic dive recovery system, and the bomb swung clear of the propeller before being released, with the aircraft generating 6 gs while pulling out. Development continued to reduce the g forces put on the crew, to prevent them blacking out.

Of course, this is mostly meaningless to some of the readers. So, let's move on.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“At lunch time we were in the thick of it again and Junkers dive-bombers appeared all over the sky. We engaged one by shrapnel control, but out fuse was too short. Then one came, sensationally straight at us, dived to a few feet off the ground and went clean through our position with machine guns blazing.” - Kenneth Rankin, on a Junkers 87 attack in Tobruk.

As explained above, the role is simple, to dive and bomb you, while killing morale.

Unfortunately, while preparing for the invasion of Poland, during a dive bombing demonstration for high ranking officials, 13 aircraft smashed into the ground, unaware that the cloud cover was lower then expected.

Despite that, the invasion went ahead, with the Stuka claiming the first air to air kill of the war, shooting down a Polish PZL p.11c fighter while it was taking off. In addition, a destroyer and a minelayer were also destroyed, not to mention the other events. Enemy aircraft were light, the Stukas losing only 31 aircraft

During the invasion of Norway, they were used to take out ground and naval targets, including the Oscarsborg Fortress, the French destroyer Bison, and the HMS Bittern and Afridi.

In France, the small headquarters in a village was destroyed in only four direct hits, allowing the German army to continue. Unfortunately, where enemy aircraft were organised, the Stuka suffered, at one point losing 11 out of 12 aircraft to 6 French fighters.

During the events of Dunkirk, the French destroyer Adroit, a paddle steamer, Crested Eagle, and many other ships were destroyed, the Royal Navy having only one destroyer out of 40 still operational. In the Battle of Britain, despite early success, the aircraft couldn't function properly without air superiority, the very thing being fought over..

It's interesting reading, but for the most part, if there's no other aircraft, or friendly aircraft around, the Stuka would get the job done. If there were hostile aircraft around, the Stuka would be mincemeat.

Also, be careful with the Youtube link, that sound is fairly frightening.

Sources used:
Junkers Ju 87 – Wikipedia
14th July 1940 – WW2Today
11th April 1941 – WW2Today
HowStuffWorks – Junkers Ju 87 Stuka
Junkers Jumo 210 – Wikipedia
BK 37 – Wikipedia
BBC Archive – News Report: Air Battle off Dover (audio)
Stuka Ju 87 siren – Youtube

The image is from the German Federal Archive. This image has not been altered, except for being resized.

Ship 3: The Battleship Bismark

Ship 3: The Battleship Bismark



“I'm not letting my ship get shot out from under my arse. Open fire!” - Captain Ernst Lindemann, in response to the requests from First Gunnery Officer Adalbert Schneider.

Nationality: German (Third Reich)
Year of Production: 1936. (Launched 1939.)
Number built: 2.
Weight: 41,700 tons. (42,900 tons for sister ship Tirpitz)
Length: 251 metres
Beam: 36 metres
Draught: 9.3 metres
Complement: 2065 to 2608.
Speed: 30 knots (55 kph). (29 knots, 54 kph, for sister ship).
Armament: 8x 38 cm naval guns, 12x 15 cm naval guns, 16x 10.5 cm flak cannons, 16x 3.7 cm flak cannons, 12x 2 cm flak cannons (to 20 for Bismark, 78 for Tirpitz), 4x Arado Ar 196 aircraft. (2x torpedo tubes for Tirpitz)

Background: In the mid 1930s, the main threat to Germany was interestingly enough, France, with their Richelieu-class battleships, and their announcement to arm them with their own 38 cm naval guns. In response, Germany also armed the two battleships, then under construction, with their own large guns. The other concern was for the battleships to have sufficient range to reach the Atlantic without the crew having to get out the oars and paddle, since that would be fairly humiliating.

The Bismark-class was limited by the infrastructure and the Kaiser Wilheim Canal that they would have to pass through, being unable to be built much heavier than 43,000 tons, or risk getting stuck.

Despite that, the battleships were completed, with over 150,000 horsepower to thrust them along, with the guns firing 800 kg shells over 36 kilometres, three rounds per minute for each of their 8 main guns. The smaller naval guns fired shells a fairly nice 23 km, at a rate of six rounds per minute.

Anti-aircraft consisted of a variety of guns, with some being added over the original, such as the extra 8 for the Bismark, and an extra 66 for the Tirpitz, since the Allies were bent on bombing the heck out of it.

I could go on, and I'm tempted to, but that would lead to a vast amount of political intrigue, so I'll just settle for some links at the bottom.

Instead, we'll go into the combat, a most interesting tale.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“The objective of the Bismarck is not to defeat enemies of equal strength, but to tie them down in a delaying action, while preserving her combat capacity as much as possible.” - Grand Admiral Erich Raeder's orders regarding the Bismark.

After the Bismark had been commissioned and joined the fleet, a small sortie was planned for the North Atlantic, planning to consist of Bismark, Tirpitz, and the members of the Scharnhorst/ Gneisenau-class, unfortunately, the Tirpitz was not ready, and Scharnhorst was being overhauled, so instead, Bismark was sent out with the cruiser Prinz Eugen, the Gneisenau having been damaged by Allied bombing.

As they were heading through the Denmark Strait, they encountered the battleship HMS Prince of Wales and the battlecruiser HMS Hood, leading to the Battle of the Denmark Strait.

10 minutes into the battle, a shot from Bismark struck Hood near one of her ammunition magazines, causing her to blow up three minutes later. Prince of Wales continued to exchange fire, but suffered from malfunctions in the main armament and broke off. Bismark and Prinz Eugen continued onto the Atlantic, the three hits on the Bismark destroying the catapult, flooded a generator room, damaged a bulkhead and cut access to the forward fuel tanks.

The damage reduced speed to 28 knots, as well as leaving a trail of oil which helped the Allies shadow the two ships. Prinz Eugen broke off to the Atlantic while Bismark set out to return to France to repair. Bismark was attacked by a group of Swordfish torpedo bombers on the 24th of May, with minimal damage, before losing the British, who were highly annoyed over the sinking of the Hood.

Not realising they had lost the British, a 30 minute radio call was made to Germany, allowing the British to pick up on the signal and continue the pursuit.

More Swordfish from HMS Ark Royale attacked the cruiser HMS Sheffield by mistake, but no major damage was done, and the faulty torpedos were replaced. The next time they attacked, Bismark's rudder was damaged, and ignored all attempts to repair it. After, they were attacked by torpedos from British and Polish destroyers, causing no further damage.

After the Bismark ran into the King George V and the Rodney, the game was up, and the Bismark was sunk.

The Tirpitz was went to Norway, where the British invested a fair amount of time in destroying it, with no less then 10 operations from midget subs to chariot boats to bombing, before it was finally sunk.

I'm not sure about you, but if I had a ship that took that long to sink, and caused that much headache for my foe's air and naval forces, well, who knows.

Sources used:
German battleship Bismark
German battleship Tirpitz
Operation Rheinburg
Bismark-class battleship
Battle of the Denmark Strait
Last battle of the Bismark
Anglo-German Naval Agreement
Plan Z

Vehicle 4 – Schwerer Gustav and Dora

Vehicle 4: Schwerer Gustav and Dora

No quote, sorry.

Nationality: Germany (Third Reich)
Year of Production: 1941
Number built: 2-3
Weight: 1,350 tons.
Length: 47.3 metres, 84 metres potentially.
Width: 7.1 metres
Height: 11.6 metres
Crew: 250 to assemble gun, 2500 to lay track and digemplacements.
Engine: None.
Armament: 1x 800mm cannon, firing 7.1 ton to 11 ton shell.

Background: After World War One, France had started work on the Maginot Line, a massive line of fortifications along the French/German border that would prevent any attacks launched by Germany, or at least significantly slow them down.

In response to this, the German High Command commissioned a company called Krupp, a large German munitions, well, company, to design a gun powerful enough to crack the Maginot Line. More specifically, seven metres of reinforced concrete, or a full metre of steel plate. Oh, and the gun had to fire at beyond the range of French artillery, to prevent it being blown to bits.

That was in 1934. In 1936, the leader of Germany asked about the viability of such a gun, and no commitment was given by him, however, design work began on the 800mm version.

Unfortunately, in 1937, it was discovered that they couldn't quite get the gun done by Spring 1940, however, the test gun was completed in 1939, and sent to the firing range for testing with the 7.1 ton shell ripping through the desired amount of concrete and steel. As testing finished in 1940, the Gustav Gun was formerly accepted by the German leader, who was so awe struck by the weapon that he ordered that the 11 ton shell only be fired under his command. As such, the 11 ton shell was never fired.

Ammunition for the two guns, Schwerer Gustav (Heavy Gustav), and Dora (named after the senior engineer's wife) consisted of a concrete (and logically, armour)-piercing shell, and a high explosive shell. A rocket launcher variant was planned, with a 150 km range, which would have required the barrel to be lengthened to 84 metres, thereby compensating for every man on the continent, but was never used or completed.

Gustav went into modern day Ukraine, on a train of 25 cars, and had to be held while additional track was laid so it could traverse. After that, it only took a further month to get the railway gun ready to fire, at a port city called Sevastopol.

By the 4th of July, Gustav had roared out 48 rounds, and had ruined the original barrel, but among other targets, it had destroyed a storage facility called White Cliff, located 30 metres under the sea, protected by 10 metres of concrete. It only took nine shells to ruin the ammunition dump.

After that, Gustav was sent to Leningrad, or St Petersburg, where it did nothing, spending the winters of 1942 and 1943 there. After that period of excitement, it was sent back to Germany to be refurbished, and then destroyed before May 1945.

Dora did even less, being sent to Stalingrad, before being withdrawn.

A variant, an alternate rocket artillery model, Langer Gustav, was damaged during construction and abandoned, while the P1500 project is something I'll touch on in another article.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

No quote, sorry.

The two guns were designed, and developed, for one simple reason. To rip the hell out of France's Maginot Line. 7 metres of concrete is not a small amount, and these guns cracked that amount with one hit, from a range of 38 to 48 kilometres, depending on ammunition.

They're huge, unwieldy, and need track specially built to carry them, being unable to rotate by themselves. They also came with 2 Flak batteries as escort, as protection from aircraft, and potentially vehicles as well.

As of 2011, they are the largest guns in the world to have been used in combat, and are only beaten by Mallet's mortar and Little David in terms of calibre.

They could rip apart a fortress, and to even think, my limited knowledge, of what would happen to a tank, is horrifying. And this is a weapon so powerful that the largest shell, the 11 ton version, was never used. Thankfully.

Sources:
Schwerer Gustav – Wikipedia
List of the largest cannon by calibre - Wikipedia

Structure 2: Vergeltungswaffe 3 (V-3 Cannon)

Structure 2: Vergeltungswaffe 3 (V-3 Cannon)

“Artillery adds dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl.” - Frederik the Great

Nationality: German (Third Reich)
Years of Production: 1943 to 1944.
Number built: 6 (50 projected.)
Weapon: Multi-charge artillery.
Range: 93 km attained, projected 165 km.
Engine: Fixed position, unable to move.
Length: 130 metres, however, 45 metre length ones also built.
Weight: Unknown.

Background: So, after that short bit of fictional objects, now back to some more 'normal' things, like a really freaking goddamned big gun.

However, until I get to the really freaking goddamned big gun article, you'll have to put up with this little thing, sorry.

Anyway, England was being a bit of a pest to the Third Reich's plans of European (world?) domination, given the whole refusing to be bombed into submission part, and as such, proving that insanity is the art of repeating something to see if the outcome will be any different, an engineer called August Conders (umlauts over o) proposed an 'electrically initiated multi-charge weapon'. He caught the attention of the upper ranks, including Albert Speer, Minister of Munitions.

As a result of the attention, August was ordered to produce a prototype of the secretly named Hochdruckpumpe, or high-pressure-pump, and produced a 20 mm calibre gun. As such, August was ordered by the big cheese of the Third Reich himself to build 50 full-sized guns to bombard London. And if you believe that the guns were supposed to fire 300 shells an hour, 15,000 shells an hour would really suck.

For how much it would suck, that's over 21 million kilos of ammo falling on a city. Every hour, assuming the Allies didn't bomb the ever-loving crap out of them.

Given that London wasn't turned into a crater, they assumed wrong, but even before they started trying to build the guns in Mimoyceques, France, they had problems with the muzzle velocity being not quite what was promised, being only one kilometre per second.

Six companies produced designs that were judged to be satisfactory for the 150 mm finned projectile, of which were trimmed down to four designs, and with that, and the other minor issues like how to get the other charges in the barrel to fire as the shell was running up the thing, sorted, they began to play with the gun they'd constructed in Misdroy, on the island of Wolin, belonging to modern day Poland.

Trials held in late May, 1944 provided ranges of 88 kilometres, in early July, the gun reached 93 kilometres, and then the gun burst.

What was it for? And why should I be afraid of it?

“Only just in time did the Allied armies blast the viper in his nest. Otherwise the autumn of 1944, to say nothing of 1945, might well have seen London as shattered as Berlin.” - Winston Churchill speech, “Forward, 'Till The Whole Task Is Done.”

Now, if you read into this, this is really quite interesting stuff. August didn't come up with the idea of a multi-charge artillery piece, that was by three different people.

Azel Lyman was granted a patent in 1857, for improvement in accelerating fire arms, and later, in 1878, a patent for improvement in accelerating guns.

James Haskell was also working on the same idea, and the two teamed up, to show the US army what a gun like that could do. Unfortunately, the charges fired in front of the shell, slowing it down, and given that normal artillery could beat the result, the idea was abandoned.

Around the same time, a French engineer by the name of Louis-Guillaume Perraux had been working on the same idea, which was shown at the World Exhibition of Paris in 1878.

During World War One, the French had plans to build their own multi-charge gun to take out the Paris Gun, which was a large German gun that could shell Paris, but the plans were shelved when the Germans were forced back.

Then, during World War Two, Germany invaded France, and rediscovered the plans, which leads us back to the good August.

Now, kinetic weaponry is a lot harder to take out then a missile. If you want proof, and have a friend with a couple of guns, try to hit the bullet fired from his gun with your own bullet, while it's in the air. Now, go try it and get a decent accuracy, say over 60%.

I could not really begin to describe what a prolonged bombardment from 50 guns could do to a city, but it would be devastating, to say the least.

However, the Allies were tipped off about the construction, and started bombing to disrupt it, believing that it was where the V-2 Rockets were being launched from. Regardless, the work continued on, and in early July, 1944, the first five barrels were ready to be prepared to be installed.

Then the Allies invaded, and the power grid was cut, and the site was captured in early September by American forces.

At the moment, the site is used as a museum by the La Forteresse de Mimoyecques, an organisation dedicated to showing the history of the V-weapons, the site itself, and the bomber crews, and the labourers that lost their lives.

Sources:
V-3 Cannon – Wikipedia
Vergeltungswaffe – Wikipedia
Fortress of Mimoyecques – Wikipedia
La Forteresse de Mimoyecques Official Site
V-3 – Astronautix.com

Fictional 3: Battlestation (Battalion Wars)

Fictional 3 : Battlestation (Battalion Wars)

“Qa-Len's pathetic assault was no match for the immortal fury of my Iron Legion! Now I shall deal my cruellest blow! Stoke the furnaces, fire up the engines, arm all batteries! Release the BATTLESTATION!” - Lord Ferrok, on the first Battlestation to be used in battle, during Incursion.

From: Battalion Wars (Nintendo Gamecube, 2005)
Number built: 25+. In use by 4 armies.
Weight: Unknown.
Length: Unknown.
Width: Unknown.
Height: Unknown.
Crew: 6
Engine: Varies between diesel and steam-electric, depending on army.
Armament: 2x artillery (88 mm) or naval guns (12 inch), 2x or 4x anti-vehicle turrets, 3x .50 cal machine guns.

Background: Right, at some point whenever I do the next fictional one, I'll see if I can actually find some specs on it, instead of this vague 'Unknown' stuff.

So, the Lightning Wars, 200 years before the events of Battalion Wars 2, where the Iron Legion, having conquered the rest of the world, marched on the Solar Empire, and their empress, Qa-Len.

Slowly, the Iron Legion was beaten back to Old Xylvania, and trapped there by anti-air frigates, as the Solar Empire began to try to gain a foothold.

Lord Ferrok, the Iron Legion's leader, responded by designing, and penning the name of Battlestation, himself, which was promptly deployed after his forces fought off 7 attack waves of Solar Empire troops. When it's unleashed, things go badly for the Sols, as they get quickly crushed, losing a number of gunships and heavy tanks in the process.

The Solars, fearing losing the war, respond by deploying a superweapon, a big damn killer satellite, which creates a freaking big crater which resembles an asteroid impact, and the Iron Legion loses by virtue of being annihilated, dinosaur-style.

The Battlestation turns up in a variety of battles, mainly used by the Xylvanians throughout the two Battalion Wars games, and each time if you don't have your own heavy firepower, you get to play the fun game of hit and run away like a little girl before it blows you back to your country.

Even if it is under the control of the AI, which can be kinda useless.

In other words, think of it this way. The original design is 200 years old. It has remained unchanged since then, or with only minor modifications.

What does it do? And why should I be afraid of it?

“Unleash the Tundran Battlestation!” - Marshal Nova, on the Mammothka Battlestation, being deployed in the snowy wastes of Tundra as part of Day of Reckoning.

It's a super-tank. It's big, it rattles, it shrieks, it clunks, and it probably drinks enough fuel to drain about 4 large oil fields, or get rid of 6 forests, and that's not mentioning the amount of smoke it generates when moving. It does not give a damn about ecology, or about solar panels, mostly because it's a tank. Tanks aren't known for political viewpoints.

Hearing it engage the enemy is beautiful, from the mechanical coughing of the main cannon, to the noises from the other two turrets, to the crackle of machine gun fire, as it sets about blowing up light tanks, annihilating infantry and any poor aircraft that is in range and hasn't taken off yet.

Of course it has counters, like an air strike, from helicopters or bombers. Or a naval bombardment, maybe. Or your own Battlestation.

If you don't have that, maybe you could lure it off a cliff or crack away at it with your lighter units (which is everything else on the ground.), or harsh propaganda.

It was impressive in the first game, even though the aiming system was average, but the Western Frontier smashed through Xylvanian defenses with it, first on the Coral Atolls, and second, while marching towards Xylvania itself.

The Iron Legion would have reconquered the world with theirs, if it wasn't for the superweapon being deployed.

Tundra used theirs to put an end to the events of the second game, in impressive fashion, taking out the heavily defended Mining Spider which would have given Kaiser Vlad, the leader of Xylvania, the Solar Empire's superweapon, which had been sealed away.

None of this may make much sense to those that haven't played it. But think of it this way. Heavily-armoured tank that cannot effectively be engaged in a ground war, that spews smoke, shells and death, and is nearly immune to your bazookas.

Sources:
Battalion Wars
Battalion Wars 2
Battlestation – Battalion Wars Wiki
Battlestation – Wars Wiki

Fictional 2: The Battleship Halberd (Kirby)

Fictional 2: The Battleship Halberd (Kirby)

“Fight me.” - Meta Knight.

From: Kirby Super Star (Super Nintendo Entertainment System, 1996)
Number built: 1
Weight: Unknown
Length: Unknown
Width: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Crew: 9.
Engine: Reactor, powering 3 small, and 1 large, vents at the rear of the ship.
Armament: 1x Combo Cannon (claw, laser and cannon), bomb bay, 8x double-barrelled laser turrets, 2x wing-mounted laser cannons, 1x main cannon, 10x side mounted laser turrets, 6x (12?) various other mounted laser cannons, ranging between double to triple barrelled, unknown amount of missile launchers. (SSBB), 16x single shot cannon, 1x double shot cannon, 4x triple shot cannon, 1x laser cannon, 8x flamethrower, (Kirby's Epic Yarn), let's just call it pretty well armed, without mentioning the other games or anime that it's in.

Background: Before I begin, I must confess that isn't a full and accurate description of the weaponry it has, I'm fairly sure it has a few others that I haven't been able to 100% confirm. But yes, that does make it over 30 various cannons and claws and other things on the thing. If wanted, I can try to recheck the weapons shown, but... dear god, it would only make the number, and length of the armament section even higher and longer.

Alright, so, this is the Battleship Halberd, personal ship of Meta Knight, the enigmatic knight of the Kirby series, who often acts as a friend and a foe to the pink blob, and who obviously believes that anything less then 20 guns on something is underarmed.

Anyway, Meta Knight's really into the code of honour thing, and whenever he and Kirby end up fighting, he always throws a sword out, so that Kirby can fight against Meta Knight's legendary sword, Galaxia, which is a pretty neat looking sword that shocks anybody unworthy of wielding it, while firing sword beams and other things that real swords can't do.

So, the Halberd was created by Meta Knight to take over Dream World, to put an end to the inhabitants being lazy (Although, to be honest, he could do that just by firing at the ground, they'd run soon enough, I know I would.), and Kirby sets about destroying it, since he's got no respect for giant flying death machines.

He gets to the reactor, since video games don't recognise such cunning tactics like locking the door, throwing the key into the ocean, and mocking loudly, and blows it up, causing the Halberd to crash into the Secret Sea.

Afterwards, the Halberd is raised from the sea floor, and heads to the Gamble Galaxy under Kirby's control, because Meta Knight challenged Kirby and lost.

And it makes an appearance in Kirby's Epic Yarn, as an optional last level, as a side scrolling shooter.

What does it do? And why should I be afraid of it?

“The bow looks like his mask. What kind of weirdo puts his face on the bow of a ship, anyway?” - Snake Solid, on the Halberd.

As mentioned above, it is a flagship. Now, flagships, by themselves, are usually impressive (Yes, even the Icelandic flagship), and this is no exception.

The numbers for the armament mentioned above are fairly accurate, and if not, it's because I've missed some. Missed some as in, they could be even higher then what's listed.

In Super Smash Brothers Brawl, it's shown under the command of the Subspace Army, after Meta Knight failed to prevent them overrunning his ship (Thanks, King Dedede.), and was thrown off. It does a variety of thing, like creating Primids from the shadow bugs dropped from the bomb bay doors, to shooting down Arwings, to shooting down the Great Fox, with excessive amounts of inaccurate, but heavy firepower.

It gets shot down by the Subspace Gunship, which I mentioned in a previous article, but allows the heroes to invade Subspace, and generally raise a bit of hell.

In Kirby's Epic Yarn, Kirby battles through the Halberd, destroying the weaponry on it, and eventually the reactor, in an optional final stage.

It appears in Kirby : Right Back At Ya!, where it's able to rip through a UFO thing called a Destrayer, and shrug off hits from them in return, although it eventually gets destroyed.

Ultimately, whatever shape it's in, (The layout and design keeps changing between games), or whatever material it's made from (Including wool!), it is covered in guns, and will easily enjoy ripping through whatever is in range, with a absolutely tiny crew.

Be afraid. Unless you're a pink blob.

Sources:
Halberd: The Kirby Wiki
Meta Knight: The Kirby Wiki
Revenge of Meta Knight: The Kirby Wiki
Super Smash Bros Brawl

Fictional 1: The Subspace Gunship (SSBB)

Fictional 1: The Subspace Gunship (SSBB)

“Once the mass production of Subspace gunships yielded a certain number of units, it would then be possible to launch all of them through the hole at once. Once the gunships were in our world, there would be no way to stop them from dragging all the remaining pieces of our world into theirs.” - The Self-Destruction of the Isle of Ancients, Smash Bros DOJO!!

From: Super Smash Brothers Brawl (Nintendo Wii, 2008)
Number built: 1, maybe more.
Weight: Unknown.
Length: Unknown
Width: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Crew: 2, or above.
Engine: Unknown.
Armament: 1x Subspace Cannon, 5x Triple-barrelled Laser Turrets (Orange), 10x Side-mounted lasers (Green)

Background: First of all, don't take unknown to mean it's small or anything, this thing is absolutely goddamn massive. I mean, it has to be at least bigger then most islands in our world. And I'm not kidding.

Right, so Tabuu is working on turning the World of Trophies into Subspace by means of Subspace Bombs, which are powered by two R.O.B.s (which I may touch on in a later article). As for why, according to Smash Bros DOJO!!, he is the embodiment of Subspace, and as such, cannot leave it to enter the World of Trophies.

To do so, he uses the Ancient Minister's forces (The R.O.B.s) to create the Subspace Bombs from the Isle of Ancients, which, when they explode, draw large areas of the World of Trophies into Subspace, where they have to be connected to other regions of Subspace.

Even though a great many areas are destroyed in this way, the heroes slowly progress towards the Isle of Ancients, which is fairly bad for the villains, and as such, the Subspace Bombs that were being made on it were detonated to bring forth the Subspace Army's ultimate weapon.

A effing massive goddamn ship.

What does it do? And why should I be afraid of it?
“Ganondorf made the Subspace Bomb factory self-destruct in order to draw this ultimate weapon out from Subspace. It's capable of infinitely rending space, and it's firepower is greater than that of any weapon. It exists to draw all of this world into Subspace, but the last-ditch efforts by the fighters might prevent this.” - Trophy description of Subspace Gunship, Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

Right, you saw that huge cannon sticking out the front, right? That emulates a Subspace Bomb, but at range.

Now, that is very bad in terms of world not being destroyed/drawn into Subspace.

The Gunship only appears in one cutscene, 'The Great Invasion', so we don't know the construction facility, or the date, or who it's first kiss was with.

All that's known is that it has a crew of at least 2, and that it is absolutely gorgeous for a superweapon.

So, Ganondorf gives the order by pointing, and the Gunship charges up and fires, ripping apart some air and sea since Ganondorf is too manly to consider using a normal fishing rod to get his fish.

The reclaimed Battleship Halberd comes rocketing in from another direction after to have a go at screwing up their plans, and that's when the five laser turrets appear, and raise hell, ripping apart the Halberd with two glancing blows, and one shot that rips right through it, nose to tail or bow to stern, depending on what you call a flying ship.

It seems bad, but then the main theme starts playing as the five heroes on board bail out safely in their various craft, Samus and her Gunship, Olimar and the Hocotate Ship, Falco's Arwing, and Captain Falcon's Falcon Flyer, and start ripping towards the Subspace Gunship.

Cue Nintendo's attempt at a bullet hell shooter as the ten other laser cannons start firing, with all of the shots missing, because it would be pretty horrible to see one of the heroes be ripped apart by a giant laser beam. After a few seconds of the four ships racing towards the Gunship, there is a twinkle in the sky as Kirby (Yes, the pink blob that goes HAAAAAIIII and sucks more than an Electrolux.) appears on the Dragoon, and rips straight through the ultimate weapon of the Subspace Army, causing the Subspace Gunshp to blow up for the last 30 seconds of the cutscene, while the Dragoon gets off scot-free.

Ganondorf and Bowser get to head back through the void, presumably to have a sulk at about why they lost the a pretty damn sexy weapon.

Ultimately, the ultimate weapon kinda failed, but think back to the top quote.

These things were to be mass produced, and sent through en-masse. Now, assuming that it's above, say, 4, that would be pretty frightening to go up against. Instead, they sent one through, and took out a battleship that is, being ridiculously generous, a twentieth of it's size, and some ocean.

It's enough to make you want to cry.

Sources:
Smash Bros DOJO!!: Mysteries of The Subspace Emissary
Subspace Gunship: Mario Wiki
Subspace Gunship: SmashWikia
Subspace Bomb: SmashWikia
Subspace: SmashWikia
Isle of (the) Ancients: SmashWikia
Subspace Emissary: The Great Invasion: Youtube
Super Smash Brothers Brawl

Structure 1: The Stobie Pole

Structure 1: The Stobie Pole


“It consists of two flangled beams of iron or steel, preferably rolled steel joist of 'H' or of channel sections, placed one beside the other with their flanges inward and preferably at a slight angle one with the other and held together with means of tie bolts, the space between them being filled with cement concrete.” - James Stobie, describing the Stobie pole, 1924

Nationality: (South) Australian
Year of Production: 1924-current
Number built: Unknown, but many.
Weight: 8.5 tons for 12 metre pole. Other sizes vary.
Length: Unknown
Width: Unknown
Height: 6 to 26 metres, reportedly able to be built to 36 metres.

Background: Yes. I know where a few of these are. No, I am not into measuring power poles. Length and width will remain unknown unless ETSA or the like is interested enough to tell me.

Anyway, back in the days of 1924 of South Australia, there was a shortage of termite resistant wood, which is a bad thing for a wooden power pole that may get munched on by, well, termites.

Now, not being munched on by termites is a good thing, but having a pole that can't really be knocked over by a car or be set on fire is better, since it avoids the fuss of cutting off power, putting pole back in, internet users mocking car driver for being an idiot that cut off their power so they couldn't play Planet of Peacebuild or whatever, even though it hadn't been invented yet.

A man called James Stobie decided to get around that problem by using the most common materals he had access to build power poles out of, which were iron and concrete. Stobie and his mate, John Brookman were so confident, they set up a company to patent and sell manufacturing rights, and thus, the humble Stobie pole was born.

In 1924, South Terrace in Adelaide started receiving them, and they soon began to appear throughout South Australia, being cheap and easy to build, a standard appearance and long life expectancy, estimated at over 80 years.

Minor side effects of their construction such as being immune to termites, unless they eat steel and concrete, and being very very slightly fire and car proof.

By car proof, I mean a small amount of damage.

Very very small.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what does it do?

“The Stobie split the car in two and it's basically up where the gear stick should be.” - Vlado, on a black Ferrari Mondena that collided with a Stobie pole in 2008. (Link to article in sources)

Right, I'll add a slight correction to that quote above. The Ferrari wasn't split in two. It was merely 'converted' from a front-engined model to a mid-engined model. Mid-engined as in the engine being right next to you in the passenger seat. Thanks to the Stobie, who's favourite food is speeding drivers. Although it didn't get it's meal on that occasion, both people in the car survived.

The Stobie was undamaged. Maybe they had to scrape the paint of the car off it or something, but that's it. Not too shabby for a power pole.

You should be afraid of it if you're a speeding idiot, these things are set into the ground, and will happily attempt to shift the position of your engine, and if you're in the way, then that's too bad. Especially if you drive a rear-engined model sports car.

Sure, if you had a tank or something, then maybe you'd damage one, but anyway.

These poles are quite simply ridiculously strong, especially the older ones, reported to be stronger then all-steel poles, but I don't smash power poles up, so I don't know, and are mainly in use in the state of South Australia, although a town in New South Wales uses them as well, reportedly, so if you're ever lost in Australia and you see one of these, you know where you are.

Although they're not the most beautiful of sights (there are Stobie pole beautification projects though), they're sturdy, an icon of South Australia, damned intimidating when feeding on cars, and have remained in production for over 80 years. Oh, and are used to carry street lights.

Not too bad for something that was built through lack of timber.

Sources:
Stobie Pole: Wikipedia
Stobie Poles: SAMemory
Most amazing Ferrari crash ever: Daily Telegraph
Stobie, James Cyril: Biographical Entry
Own personal knowledge

Aircraft 3: Hughes (HK1) H-4 Hercules

Aircraft 3: Hughes (HK1) H-4 Hercules ('Spruce Goose')


“You'll never know.” - Howard Hughes replying to his chief designer, who asked if he had meant to take the H-4 out of the water on it's flight.

Nationality: American
Year of Production: 1947
Number built: 1 (3 planned)
Weight (empty): N/A (180 tons for fully laden aircraft)
Wingspan: 97.5 metres
Length: 66.65 metres
Height: 24.2 metres
Speed: 354 to 407 kph (projected, actual attained speed was approximately 217 kph)
Engine: 8x Pratt and Whitney R-4360 Wasp Major engines, developing 4000 hp each. (32000 hp in total)
Armament: Unarmed.

Background: The U-boat wolfpacks were impeding America's attempts to supply Britain. Obviously, something had to be done to avoid this problem, either by blowing them out of the water, or by flying the equipment and men in by air, since a torpedo is a very poor anti-aircraft weapon.

This is an example of the latter, a brainchild of a Henry Kaiser, who led the former idea in the form of Liberty ships, which was a program to quickly get more ships into the water, and prevent submarines and surface raiders from being too much of a nuisance.

Mr Kaiser consulted the eccentric Howard Hughes in 1942 to build a massive flying boat, which could carry 750 fully equipped soldiers, or one Sherman tank. The aircraft was to be delivered, along with it's siblings, in two years, but it had to be made out of wood, since steel was in short supply for rifles, ships, bombs, monocles for bad impressions of German officers, etc.

Construction of the first Hughes-Kaiser collaboration (HK-1) started 16 months after the contract was given by the US government, at which point Kaiser left, since Hughes was an obsessive perfectionist, and the plane probably wasn't going to be built in time for it to be of any actual use for the war.

Hughes rebranded the plane the H-4, and signed a new contract that now left his company with permission to build one example.

The aircraft was finished in 1947, which was a pity since the war ended two years beforehand. The US government was so pleased at how quickly the thing had been built that it called him before the Senate War Investigating Committee to ask what the hell taxpayer money had been put into this thing for.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“The Hercules was a monumental undertaking. It is the largest aircraft ever built. It is over five stories tall with a wingspan longer than a football field. That's more than a city block.” - Hughes, before the Senate War Investigating Committee, 6th of August, 1947.

Alright, so it wasn't armed with a giant death cannon that played 'The Star Spangled Banner' at 180 decibels, but it could transport 750 armed troops, and that would be a bad thing to come face to face with, or it could deliver a tank, which may or may not be as bad to face. That, and the thing was massive. And unwieldly.

During a break from being questioned by politicians, Hughes went to California to perform tests on his toy, which had more wood in it then most forests. November 2, the aircraft began to undergo tests, consisting of three taxi runs. The crew and press, for 32 in total, were on the aircraft at the time. The first two were mostly the plane showing how well it went as a giant boat, but on the third test run...

The aircraft took to the skies, reaching a staggering 21 metres above sea level at a speed of 217 kph, for over 1.5 kilometres.

And that was it. It demonstrated it's amazing lifting capacity, carrying 32 men, including the crew, 21 metres above sea level, before never being used again, thus ensuring that no other aircraft in the world, except for damn near all of them, could match that amazing, nay, staggering record.

A crew of three hundred full-time workers were ordered to keep the H-4 (I refuse to call it by it's name. It's name is, in my opinion, for a much better aircraft.) airworthy in a climate-controlled hanger, but the workforce was reduced to fifty in 1962, and axed entirely after Hughes died in 1976.

After a bit of fun, involving Disney, the aircraft was given to Evergreen Aviation Museum, being moved by trucks and barges to Oregon, a distance of 1700 km.

It did lead itself to many, more successful, large transport aircraft, like the Galaxy and the An-124, and that's really all it did.

Also, yes, this is the Spruce Goose, which was a nickname for it by critics, which is rather offensive to trees and geese, in my view.

Sources used:
Wikipedia: Hughes H-4 Hercules
Hughes HK-1 (H-4) 'Spruce Goose' – The Aviation Zone
Boeing: History – Hughes H-4 Hercules Flying Boat

Vehicle 3 – Schneider CA (CA1)

Vehicle 3 – Schneider CA (CA1)


(I hate to admit it, but I have had very little luck in finding a positive quote about the French army. And I don't really want to make one up again.)

Nationality: French
Year of Production: 1916-1918
Number built: 400
Weight: 12.3 or 13.6 tons
Length: 6.32 metres
Width: 2.05 metres
Height: 2.30 metres
Crew: 6 or 7
Engine: 1x Schneider 4-cylinder engine, developing 55-70 hp, for a speed of 8 kph
Armament: 1x 75mm howitzer, 2x 8mm machine guns (1x 15mm machine gun as well?)

Background: World War One. A time where the defender had many new weapons, like machine guns, poison shells, and deep trenches, not to forget the barbed wire and land mines. And conventional weapons that the attackers would normally use, like aircraft, and tanks, were still either in basic stages of being used, or not actually been invented yet.

The attackers would be ripped apart by shells or machine guns, or to be trapped on the barbed wire, and left to suffer. Obviously, this had to stop. Progress had to be made before the civilian populace back home grew tired and started to demand an end. The solution was a weapon that could crush the wire, that could shrug off bullets of rifles, and rip back with it's own weapons, and cross trenches, as the infantry follow behind.

This new weapon was the tank, but, back then, tanks were weird, unwieldy beasts designed only to protect the infantry from being blown up, and to get the war moving again.

As such, in 1915, the company of Schneider and Co, in France, set out to fulfil the wishes of the French government, to build “heavy artillery tractors”, of which I'll probably touch more on later. As such, their chief designer was sent to England, to check on what an American company called Holt was showing over there, and on his return, convinced his superiors to work on an armed and armoured tractor.

Some of the experiments were shown in front of the French president, Raymond Poincare, who ordered 10 more vehicles for further testing, of which shortly after was combined with a government program for a armoured wire cutter, the Breton-Pretot machine, for further experiments, including one at Souain.

As a result of the prototype tank going over the trenches of the former battlefield, the production order for 400 CA1s were authorised in February 1916.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

(As above, no quotes, sorry. I'll try to find some, but if you have any suggestions, please let me know. No jokes about the quality of the French army, either.)

This... weird... thing... had a 75mm petard mortar, which is a pretty decent sized weapon for blowing up anything it wants to. It crashed through wire with the overhang part of the chassis, unless the tank got stuck.

The crew had the dubious pleasure of lying on their bellies in a space between the roof and the engine, and more then likely in the dark as well. The armour was poor, and often lead to the two fuel tanks, situated high up on the tank, to be punctured, and the crew would get a petrol shower, which would be kinda bad if someone lit a match, or if the tank was in a battle, and it was cramped and... but I digress.

It was first used on at Berry-au-Bac, where the 120-130 tanks stormed out, engines screaming at the top speed of 8 kph, under cover of daylight.

In sight of German artillery.

81 tanks were crippled, with 56 of them being destroyed beyond repair. As the modifications rolled out, to damn near everything with the tank, armour, fuel tanks, doors, guns, probably the little dangling pine tree air freshener as well.

Most of the remaining tanks were converted to unarmed supply tanks, which would still have sucked for the crew, driving at a top speed of 8 kph, hauling things around.

To rub salt into the wound, the Italian army tested the CA1, with plans to build 1500 of them, but Italia didn't really leap at the opportunity.

Six tanks were sold to Spain, of which after fighting in Morocco, the surviving four were used in the Spanish Civil War fighting on the side of the Republicans.

The CA1 was a good try by the French, given that this was a brand new weapon of war, but the few minor (alright, major) defects, and I didn't even mention the limited range of fire it had, by either the machine guns or the mortar, and it has the honour of being the world's oldest tank that is still in running condition, at the Musee des Blindes in Saumur.

The running tank is a modified one, with the repositioned petrol tanks, if you are ever interested in looking it up.

I daresay I'll be told off for not including the accented characters for the various French names as well.

Sources used:
Walkaround and photographs of the Schneider CA1 by Eric Gallaud
Wikipedia : Schneider CA1
Tanks.net : Schneider CA1 Heavy Tank

Aircraft 2: Supermarine (Sea Spitfire) 'Seafire'

Aircraft 2: Supermarine (Sea Spitfire) 'Seafire'

“To affirm that the aeroplane is going to 'revolutionize' navel warfare of the future is to be guilty of the wildest exaggeration.” - Scientific American, July 1910.

Nationality: English
Year of Production: 1938 (proposed), 1941 (produced)
Number built: 2669
Weight (empty): 3.9 tons
Wingspan: 11.2 metres
Length: 10.4 metres
Height: 3.9 metres
Speed: 578 kph (Merlin engine), 727 kph (Griffon engine)
Engine: Rolls Royce Merlin 55M V12, developing 1585 hp. Later, the Griffon 88 V12 would be used, developing 2350 hp.
Armament: 2x 20mm cannon, 4x 0.303 machine guns, later on, 4x 20mm cannon. (The Seafire F. Mk 47 had up to 8x rocket launchers, firing RP-3 air to ground rockets. They all could carry bombs, from 110 kg to 250 kg.)

Background: I daresay most people know about the beautiful little Spitfire, the aircraft that flew during the Battle of Britain, and during World War Two as a whole.

This story relates to the Seafire, trust me. Or not. Anyway, in 1931, the British Air Ministry was calling out for a new fighter plane capable of going at 404 kph. A man called Reginald Joseph Mitchell, of the Supermarine Aviation Works responded, with the Supermarine Type 224, which was rejected, as well as the later Supermarine Type 300, but eventually got accepted with the F7/30.

In 1936, the first prototype Spitfire flew, causing the RAF to squeal like schoolgirls and immediately order 310 of them, before the trials had been completed. Over 20,000 Spitfires, and the variants, would be built.

Unfortunately, while the RAF was enjoying their brand spanking new toy, the Fleet Air Arm were stuck with Blackburn Rocs and Gloster Sea Gladiators, of which, although they were decent aircraft... weren't quite as magnificent as the Spitfire.

The FAA got turned away from having their own Spitfires by Winston Churchill, but that's sort of understandable since that was during the Battle of Britain, and your own country's defense is more important then anything else, in my view.

However, in 1941, the Admiralty had a look at the Spitfire again, and 48 Spitfire Mark Vb aircraft were converted to have hooks on them, since a plane's not much good if it can't actually land. The new Seafires were used to get the Navy used to using their new toys, with modifications being constantly made, to make them more useful for general defense and attack purposes.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“The air fleet of an enemy will never get within striking distance of our coast as long as our aircraft carriers are able to carry the preponderance of air power to sea.” - Rear Admiral W. A. Mofflet, Chief of US Bureau of Aeronautics.

It's role was to hang around aircraft carriers, and to teach anything that isn't on it's side that the Royal Navy only wants pretty pictures and words taken when it damn well wants you to, and not whenever you want to.

The Seafire mainly operated in the Far East campaign against Japan, on the aircraft carrier HMS Indefatigable (R10), where they took on the kamikaze attacks, at one point taking out eight aircraft for the loss of only one of their own.

Post-World War Two, the Seafire was upgraded to the Mk47, and served in the Korean War, helping to blunt North Korean offenses in the skies and on the ground, with only two lost, one to friendly fire, and the other when the grappling hook failed to extend. Unfortunately, by the end of it, all but 3 of the Seafires in the 800 squadron were declared unservicable.

The Canadians and the French also used Seafires, the latter on the Arromanches (formerly HMS Colossus), which fought against the Viet Minh in the First Indochina War, before being withdrawn in 1949.

The Irish used the Seafire as well, but they didn't really seem to do anything much with them.

Ultimately, the Seafire, while in some ways a strong aircraft, was also a fragile thing, however, by all accounts it served magnificently. Then again, when you come from the same stock as the Supermarine Spitfire, how could you not?

Sources used:
Supermarine Seafire: Wikipedia
Fleet Air Arm Archive: Supermarine Seafire
Supermarine Seafire: Classic Warbirds
Supermarine Spitfire variants: specifications, performance and armament: Wikipedia

Aircraft 1: Sukhoi Su-5 (I-107)

Aircraft 1: Sukhoi Su-5 (I-107)

“The first time ever I saw a jet, I shot it down.” - Chuck Yeager

Nationality: Soviet Union (Russia)
Year of Production: 1944 (concept), 1945 (produced)
Number built: 1
Weight (empty): 2.95 tons
Wingspan: 10.5 metres
Length: 8.5 metres
Height: 3.5 metres
Speed: 810 kph (including boost of 90-110 kph)
Engine: VK-107A petrol engine, developing 1650 hp. VRDK motorjet as 3-10 minute boost.
Armament: 1x 23 mm cannon, 2x 12.7 mm machine guns

Background: Alright, I'll admit that I forgot about VE Day, but I'll try to make up for it with this stubby little beauty. Anyway, moving on from myself being an idiot.

Near the end of World War 2 in Europe, strange new aircraft had begun to appear in the skies. Instead of using propellers, they had flame coming out the engines, and flew vastly faster then normal aircraft.

Yes, German technology had advanced far enough, from the V1 Buzz Bomb, from the V2 rockets, to the jet-engined aircraft, like the Messerschmitt Me 262 to be used on the front line. Clearly, this had to be stopped, and new aircraft built that could speed up, and catch these new planes, and shoot them down, lest they have unforeseen consequences on the war's progression.

Now, the nations of the world had their own types of rockets, from the Russian Katyusha, to the tank-busting English Typhoon, when equipped with rockets. But, surely, no propeller aircraft could be produced in time to even think of matching the speed of a jet that goes at 900 kph?

Not even by the Russians, that were marching towards their foe's lands, as part of the Great Patriotic War (The Russian term for World War 2)?

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“Up there the world is divided into bastards and suckers. Make your choice.” - Derek Robinson, author of Piece of Cake.

It was designed to take on enemy jet fighters as a short term solution. That, by itself, is impressive.

This aircraft was conceived by a Russian company, O.P Sukhoi, as a single seat fighter, with a propeller as the main power source, and a jet engine to act as a booster, like when you press the inevitable button in a game to get a short term boost of speed.

One assumes that the document hit every single branch of the ugly tree on the way to Moscow, but that's alright. It probably isn't as ugly from the cockpit.

Anyway, the document was approved by the PCAI, which I have no idea what it stands for, probably something in Russian, and incorporated in the 1944 prototype development plan, where it got approved in May 1944.

By then, the aircraft was called the I-107, but was subsequently renamed to Su-5.

After some minor problems getting the bits delivered, the flights began in April 1945, and continued until the middle of June, where a minor problem, that being the engine breaking up, occurred while it was being flown. During the wait for a new engine, the aircraft was fitted with a new wing.

The engine arrived at the beginning of July, and as testing went on, the aircraft reached a speed of 793 kph at 4350 metres, 25 kph faster then estimated.

Testing continuing until mid-October, where the engine reached the end of it's service life, and no further engines incoming, with the ones being produced diverted to aircraft that were being produced.

In 1946, work was terminated on aircraft that had lost the edge, with the Su-5 being named one of them. By then, Russia was working on turbojets.

Unfortunately, even though it would have been interesting to see in action, especially with it's booster, the aircraft never got a chance to fire a shot in anger, nor to take on what it had been planned for, the early jet fighters.

Sources used:
Sukhoi Company – Airplanes – Museum – Su-5
Aviastar – Su-5 experimental interceptor
Sukhoi Su-5 – Wikipedia

Vehicle 2 – T-35 multi-turreted heavy tank

Vehicle 2 – T-35 multi-turreted heavy tank

“If the tanks succeed, then victory follows.” - Heinz Guderian, German general, author of Achtung – Panzer!

Nationality: Soviet Union (Russia)
Year of Production: 1933 to 1938
Number built: 61
Weight: 45 tons
Length: 9.72 m
Width: 3.20 m
Height: 3.43 m
Crew: 11
Engine: 1x Mikulin M-17M petrol engine, developing 500 hp, for a speed of 30 kph.
Armament: 1x 76.2 mm gun, 2x 45 mm guns, 5 to 6 7.62 mm machine guns

Background: After World War 1, many things had changed. A wide variety of these strange new, almost alien, weapons, called tanks were becoming more and more popular. Crushing wire, preventing infantry from being shot, causing enemy troops to run from these invulnerable new weapons, that spat death and ignored bullets.

Tsarist Russia, under Tsar Nicholas II, had fallen during 1917, with the Bolsheviks having taken over, after fighting against the White Russia movement, and becoming the Soviet Union in 1922, under Lenin.

Stalin took over in 1924, after a power struggle, and Russia began to advance (ish), under the First Five Year-Plan and Second Five-Year Plan, and started to develop new weapons, like this cute little toy.

This weapon was developed by the OKMO design bureau of the Bolshevik Factory, as two teams began to work on two different designs of multi-turreted tank, the other tank being the TG-5, which weighed in at 100 tons and had a 107 mm naval gun, which was soon cancelled. In July 1932, a 35 ton prototype was rolled out with a 76.2 mm gun and was given four smaller turrets, for 37 mm guns, and machine guns.

It was too complex and expensive for mass production, so a simpler prototype was built, with a new engine, gearbox and new turrets, as used on the T-28, which had 3 turrets. Production began in 1933 at a locomotive factory, and two batches of ten vehicles were built, with 35 being built by 1938, with some examples reported to have flamethrowers instead of one of the 45 mm guns. Probably to try to set fire to snow or something.

Anyway, the final batch was six more T-35s, putting the total at 61, since it was fairly expensive.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“Tanks come in two forms: the dangerous, deadly kind and the 'liberating' kind.” - Robert Fisk, journalist.

This tank immediately showed how it could crush and annihilate it's enemies by serving in parades in Moscow until 1940. Oh yes.

After Operation Barbarossa, the decision was made to use the T-35 in combat, instead of repurposing them as heavy artillery, of which 90% were lost due to mechanical problems or by being abandoned and blown up.

The last recorded action of the T-35 was during the Battle of Moscow, although I have not been able to find how it fared.

Some sources state that it did not fight in Talvisota, the Winter War, against Finland, instead, the tank was a SMK prototype, which was disabled by a landmine, and was believed to be another variant of the T-35, but other sources say that it did see action there, so yeah.

Despite the lackluster combat record and the fact that if you cut out some of the turrets, you could put more normal tanks on the battlefield, you have to admit that they look impressive, and that the idea of machine guns blazing as cannons roar from a single tank would look magnificent on TV.

For a reason to be afraid of it, the SU-7 tank, not to be confused with the SU-7 jet fighter, was planned to have a 254 mm gun, a 305 mm howitzer and a 400 mm mortar while clocking in at over 106 tons.

And finally, the T-35 tank has it's own Facebook page, but only 4 people like it so far. Pity.

Sources used:
Wikipedia: T-35
Soviet Empire.com: The Soviet T-35 tank
Heavy Soviet Tanks - Tank Museum
WWII Vehicles - Soviet Union's T-35 Heavy Tanks

Concept 2: Design A-150 'Super Yamato'

Concept 2: Design A-150 'Super Yamato'

“If any foreign minister begins to defend to the death a “peace conference”, you can be sure his government has already placed it's orders for new battleships and airplanes” - Joseph Stalin

Nationality: Japanese
Year of Concept: 1938, design near complete in 1941
Number built: 0, 2 planned.
Weight: 70,000 tons, approximately
Length: 263 metres
Beam: 39 metres
Speed: 30 knots (55.5kph)
Complement: Unknown. Yamato had approx 2760 crew.
Armament: 6x 510 mm (45 calibre guns), lots of 100 mm (65 calibre) guns

Background: Ah, battleships. The obsolete, but still remembered, queens of the sea. Having been around in some form since the late 1800s, to provide naval superiority to any fleet, they started to fade out in use after World War 2, after, well, aircraft and missiles started to be developed and improved on.

Now, of course, their role has been taken over by aircraft carriers, but that doesn't mean we can't take a look at what would have been a true wonder produced by Imperial Japan... two years after World War 2 ended. Must take a bit of time to bang those things together.

The battleship came about as the Age of Sail ended, because a metal ship with a flimsy little sail on the top looks ridiculous, and because the ironclad looked cooler. As any Civilization player knows, the step up from wood to iron to steel is an amazing one to undergo, and it was the same in the real world, with many innovations coming into play, from explosive and incendiary shells, to the French navy's Redoutable, which was the first battleship to use steel as it's main material.

Then there was the Dreadnaught era, named after the HMS Dreadnaught, and the two world wars.

But eh, if I wanted to ramble on, I'd fill this article full of battleship pictures and fawn over them like some sort of schoolgirl.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“The more evil the regime, the more ludicrous the planned and designed weapons and equipment.” - Myself. Although I can replace it with an actual quote if needs be.

Now, of course, everyone knows the Battleship Yamato, despite it's lack of actually being used in anger, only firing at American forces during Leyte Gulf in 1944, and at American forces again at Kyushu while en route to Okinawa where she was sunk during Operation Ten-Go while on a suicide mission that involved beaching herself and her escort ships, and blowing anything that moved to hell.

However, she had magnificently large cannons, the largest guns fitted on a warship, of which I'll avoid using that term again, since it makes me feel like I'm talking about a woman with ample assets. She was bristling with lots of shot and shell, along with her sister ship, Musashi, which would have made taking one on in head to head combat interesting to say the least, since she could throw a 1.36 ton shell over 40 kilometres.

The Japanese wished to top this, by countering the American's reply to the Yamatos with the Super Yamato, which was planned to hurl a 2 ton shell with her main armament, and a bunch of smaller shells with her secondary 100mm anti-aircraft guns, with armour so vast that Japan would not have been able to make it in single plates.

Unfortunately, in 1941, the design work went from battleships to alternate ships, like aircraft carriers, cruisers, etc, and the two Super Yamatos were never rolled out, nor were the other two Yamato class ships. The third Yamato-class, Shinano, was converted to an aircraft carrier during construction, and became the dubious honour of being the largest warship ever sunk by a submarine, 10 days after she was commissioned.

Imperial Japan surrendered to the Allied Forces on the battleship USS Missouri, after the atomic bombings, after which, the navy set fire to almost everything Yamato related, which is a shame.

In a sense, the end of the war was an end to the battleship class as well, and the name Yamato faded from memory.

If you exclude the anime, the diesel engine manufacturer, the transport company, the the toy manufacturer, the... let's just say that the name hasn't really faded from use.

There may not be many, or any, battleships serving today, but that doesn't mean that the very idea of a huge ship, crewed by thousands, blasting everything from the air, the water, and the land, isn't a majestic one, unless you're the ones being blasted.

Sources:
Wikipedia: Yamato-class battleship
Wikipedia: Design A-150 battleship
Wikipedia: Dreadnaught
Wikipedia: Battleship
Wikipedia: 40 cm (45 Type 94 naval gun)
Wikipedia: Japanese battleship Yamato
Wikipedia: Japanese battleship Musashi
Wikipedia: Japanese aircraft carrier Shinano
Wikipedia: Operation Ten-Go

Ship 1: The Torpedo Ram class

Ship 1: The Torpedo Ram class.

“Ram him! RAM!” - Jeremy Clarkson

Nationality: Multiple nations had similar plans.
Year of Production: Proposed in early/mid 1870s, USS Intrepid (2) launched 1874, HMS Polyphemus (3) launched 1881.
Number built: Minimal.
Weight: 438 tons (Intrepid), 2640 tons (Polyphemus)
Length: 51 metres (Intrepid), 73 metres (Polyphemus)
Beam (width): 11 metres for both ships.
Draught (depth of water needed): 3.7 m (Intrepid), 6.25 m (Polyphemus)
Complement (crew): >1 (Intrepid), 80 (Polyphemus)
Speed: 11 knots (20kph) (Intrepid), 17.8 knots (33 kph) (Polyphemus)

Background: After the good Mr Robert Whitehead invented the torpedo in 1866, with help from Giovanni Luppis, who came up with the original, albeit different, concept, a few years before, Whitehead's son, John, and a worker called Annibale Ploech, the world's navies, beginning with the Austrian Imperial Navy, were quick to dream up many, many delicious ideas to use this new weapon.

Now, early torpedos, well, sucked if the target was actually moving, only going at a speed of 7 knots, or 13 kph, however, they were rapidly advancing in usefulness, with the gunboat Gemse being modified to fire them outside the factory where they were first being produced.

If the target wasn't moving, they'd be a safe weapon to use, fired from a great distance (600 metres), and with no shell flashes, or curses of shells landing on feet, etc, unless the ship carrying them got hit, in which case, it blew up. Although most ships that are hit in the ammo storage area usually do blow up.

Although the timeframe of this era of ship is not that long, you may, directly, or not, know of this class, as HMS Thunder Child, from War of the Worlds, by HG Wells.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“It was the torpedo ram, Thunder Child, steaming headlong, coming to the rescue of the threatened shipping.” - War of the Worlds, HG Wells.

The torpedo ram class is absolutely goddamn insane. Early models, charge in, with the torpedo still attached to the ship, ram the other ship, which is probably full of very unhealthy stuff being fired at you, like shells, bullets, harsh propaganda and cruel insults, before either making it's way back, or blowing it's bow off.

Ships do not operate well with the front end of the boat missing. Ever.

Thankfully, as models advanced, the strategy became less suicidal, with torpedos being able to actually be fired, with the strategy being revised to 'charge in (through the hotel defenses, using the ram), blow target to smithereens from range, run like hell'.

Despite it being impractical, it had it's merits at the time, until... well, when they were finished being built.

The only torpedo ram used in war was the fictional Thunder Child, which, to be honest, in itself is awesome.

The three Martian tripod fighting machines fire gas at the ship, which does zilch. Then they deploy the heat rays, which mortally wound Thunder Child, but she rips apart one of the machines through ramming.

Thunder Child then turns to the second tripod, and starts firing the guns, but scores no real hits, as she lines up her ram and charges. The heat ray finds her again, and blows her up, with the resulting explosion taking out the second tripod.

After Thunder Child's sacrifice, three ironclads arrive, and, although the third tripod's fate isn't revealed, the fleeing civilians are able to escape.

Unfortunately, in real life, the torpedo ram class of ship was obsolete by the advent of quick firing guns on capital ships, to, say, protect them from some crazed idiot ramming his way through the harbour defenses, and firing his torpedos at a capital ship.

Both Polyphemus and Intrepid would be broken up for scrap, Polyphemus in 1903, and Intrepid in 1892.

A variety of other torpedo rams never got off the ground, which is a shame, in a sense. It's a ship built to ram much heavier stuff, and survive. And the ship, in itself, would provide a vast amount of kinetic energy.

And ultimately, the torpedo ram class remains, somewhere in the imagination of the public, through Thunder Child, taking out what was believed to be an invincible enemy.

Mr Whitehead's invention would remain in play up to, and beyond today, a valuable addition to the submarine, and to the world's navies and air forces in general.

His epitaph reads “His fame was known by all nations hereabouts.”

Sources used -
Wikipedia : Torpedo Ram
Wikipedia: Robert Whitehead
Wikipedia: HMS Polyphemus
Wikipedia: USS Intrepid
Wikipedia: HMS Thunder Child
Navy History - Intrepid
History of USS Intrepid CV-11
Global Security - Torpedo Ram

Concept 1: Tesla's Teleforce

Prototype 1: Tesla's Teleforce

“He has perfected a method and apparatus, Dr Tesla said yesterday in an interview at the Hotel New Yorker, which will send concentrated beams of particles through the free air, of such tremendous energy that they will bring down a fleet of 10,000 enemy airplanes, at a distance of 250 miles from a defending nation's border and will cause armies of millions to drop dead in their tracks.” - New York Times, July 11, 1934.

Nationality: American
Year of concept: Mentioned in 1934 to American media.
Produced: No.

Weapon: Charged particle beams, firing at approx. 48 times speed of sound (16,333.92 metres per second).
Range: 321 to 402 km (200 to 250 miles)
Engine: Fixed position, unable to move.
Power: Requires own dedicated power plant, estimated to be large.

Background: Dr Tesla, or, Nikola Tesla, was born in 1856, in modern day Croatia, he emigrated to America a fair few years later, and had some dealings, and competition with a little known man called Thomas Edison and invented a wide variety of things, 700 or so, like alternating current, which is what most countries of the world use today.

Now, there currently wasn't any world wars going on at the moment, not even the Spanish Civil War, which was 2 years away, but one suspects that some countries were rearming, which is why this little beauty was proposed, on his 78th birthday, to the American media.

Now to actually explain a bit more about the Teleforce, which is most definitely not a death ray. At all. The good Dr Tesla said so, to quote: “I want to state explicitly that this invention of mine does not contemplate the use of any so-called "death rays." Rays being absolutely useless apart from cooking bacon using all the power in New York City.

He tried to sell England on it, and the US, and Russia was interested (to defend their border against the Japanese), but countries either refused or it never got built, which is kinda obvious, given the lack of huge giant death particle cannons currently standing guard on the coast lines, or the power shortages when it fires, if the country doesn't build the power plant for it.

It required 60,000,000 volts to fire, also. That's a fair few lightbulbs.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“An exception, however, he added, must be made in the case of battleships, which, he said, would be able to equip themselves with smaller plants for generating the death-beam, with enough power to destroy any airplane approaching for attack from the air.” - New York Times, July 11, 1934, again.

You... need me to explain that? Really? Alrighty.

This is a four hundred kilometre ranged death particle beam gun. Dear lord, that's... scary. For an estimate of it's range, we'll say that one is set up in London, it could hit Paris, 340 kilometres away. And it could rip apart an army that was approximately 62 kilometres further from Paris. This is the Paris Gun.

That is a nasty weapon. Darth Vader should have used the sucker on his Deathstar.

Tesla believed it would be a peace gun, since every country having it's own 400 km ranged superweapon would be kinda scary. Go and get a map, and check. There's probably some large city within any area you pick, unless it's Australia. Now, go imagine a gun that makes the speed of sound it's slave (stronger word can be substituted),, reaching 400 kilometres away in about... 25 seconds.

Oh, and it could have been constructed in a few months by his estimates.

At the moment, the US navy is experimenting with lasers. Which, presumably, could be fitted on a ship, and fired at aircraft. Only decades, generations, since Tesla's proposal, and may not be able to quite match the specifications of Teleforce, which penetrated 2 metres of armour with a third of the full charge.

Now, 6 metres (19 feet) of anything is a lot to get through.
Go imagine swift, invisible death coming towards you and a million others in under half a minute, if someone accidentally hit the fire button.

On the plus side, after you die, you'd get great television, since it could be used to broadcast TV signals. So that's reassuring.

Nikola Tesla died in a hotel room at the age of 86. an eccentric genius, or a mad scientist.

No picture of it, sorry.

Sources used:
"Beam to Kill Army at 200 Miles, Tesla's Claim On 78th Birthday:" New York Herald Tribune
Nikola Tesla: Wikipedia
Teleforce: Wikipedia
Own personal knowledge, which was even less of a help this time.

Vehicle 1: The Churchill Crocodile

Vehicle 1: The Churchill Crocodile

“There are five ways of attacking with fire. The first is to burn soldiers in their camp; the second is to burn stores; the third is to burn baggage trains, the fourth is to arsenals and magazines; the fifth is to hurl dropping fire among the enemy.” - Sun Tzu's Art of War, Chapter 12.1, The Attack By Fire.

Nationality: English.
Year of Production: 1943
Number built: 800 conversion kits produced.
Weight: 38.5 tons
Length: 7.44 m
Width: 3.25 m
Height: 2.49 m
Crew: 5
Engine: 1x Bedford petrol engine, delivering 350 hp, for a speed of 24 kph.
(Specifications based on original vehicle, Churchill MkVII tank, without trailer.)

Background: In August 1942, Operation Jubilee (Operation Rutter, Battle of Dieppe, Dieppe Raid) was launched, a Allied attack on the French port town of Dieppe.

The primary aim was to hold Dieppe, to gather intelligence from prisoners, and to see the German response, as well as blow the thing to bits as they were leaving.

Unfortunately, the raid went pretty badly, to put it mildly, with over 3500 men being wounded, killed or captured, with the vast majority of that number being Canadian. German casualties were about 500 wounded or killed.

Among some of the tanks bought ashore to assist with the raid were modified Churchills, named Churchill Okes, having Ronson flamethrowers equipped. Unfortunately, they got blown to bits in the first wave.

As a result of the failed raid on Dieppe, Allied command realized they needed a range of modified armoured vehicles, given that the 58 Churchills bought along on the raid struggled with the defenses, which is a bad thing if, say, a player in the Allied forces, like France, wanted their country liberated pretty damn quickly, through, say, an invasion. And if, Europe was known as Fortress Europe at the time.

To achieve that aim, in 1943, one of the men called in to create these vehicles was Major-General Percy Hobart, and his division, the 79th Armoured. The division was renamed the 79th (Experimental) Armoured Division Royal Engineers”, and they set to work.

Even though some of the concepts had been used before, some of their other vehicles were quite amazing, if say, you had a rifle and were trying to take one on, let's see how you'd do against a couple of these, the whole list being very much longer...

The Crab flail tank (modified Sherman), aimed at making minefields fire off early, rather then, say, blowing men or normal tanks back to England, of which one assumes that the men and tanks liked not being blown to bits. It could also be used to satisfy Earth's masochistic tendencies, one assumes. And to make bad puns like 'Epic Flail.'

The Churchill Armoured Vehicle Royal Engineers, which had a mortar on it. By mortar, I mean a 290 mm mortar, which considering the main gun was a 75 mm cannon, it would be a bad idea to be bonked on the head by it's 18 kg high explosive charge. And could carry bridge sections, fascines (big bundles of wood, you put them in trenches and drive over.) and other sapper related equipment.

Why should I be afraid of it? And what was it for?

“Set Europe ablaze.” - Winston Churchill, attributed, creating the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare.

The Churchill Crocodile. Now, the thing about a normal tank is that it has a main cannon, for getting rid of other vehicles, like, say, another tank, and a machine gun or a few other smaller weapons, for in case infantry want to add some holes to the tank, drag you out and hurt you. Which would be bad if you're not into getting hurt.

The thing about a flame tank is that it has a flamethrower on it. Now, it's obvious that being set on fire is a bad thing. There's the saying, 'Give a man fire, keep him warm for a day, set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.'

Now, if you're a man in the open, with a flamethrower, then you're going to take a lot of shots fairly quickly, since fire's a more terrifying weapon then a bullet is. But if you're in a heavily armoured tank, then the bullets'll be fairly ineffective.

But what if you did the stereotypical thing, and replaced the main cannon with a flamethrower?

Well, if you come across a German tank, since Italy had declared war on it's former ally and was no longer the enemy, they'd probably batten the hatches, laugh as you heat their coffee and make some fire-related quip, like “We'll see how their firepower matches against our firepower!” and blow the tank away.

And, what if you did the rational thing, replacing the machine gun, an anti-infantry weapon, with a flamethrower, which is also an anti-infantry weapon?

You end up with the Crocodile. Towing it's 6 and a half ton fuel trailer behind it, holding 1800 litres of fuel, it fires bursts of liquid flame between 110 to 135 metres away. Or fires unlit lighter fluid, lets it slosh around a bit, and then sets fire to it.

Oh, and the fire burned on water.

Despite it's short range, it forced troops to retreat and bunkers to surrender, since being burnt alive in a tiny little concrete box is a bad thing to happen.

The trailer could be dropped from inside the tank if it ran out, or was shot up, making the Crocodile a burning, flaming death tank that could take out it's peers, while using man's primal fear, fire, against him.

It stormed across the beaches of Normandy in June, 1944, with it's friends, the other Hobart's Funnies, assisting the Allied invasion of Normandy, getting the liberation of France on.

And one can only assume that France really enjoyed being liberated from the heel of the jackboot.

As for the good Major-General, his 79th being described as the decisive factor on D-Day? He went back to retirement in 1946, after being awarded the Legion of Merit, which went in well with his Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire, his Distinguished Service Order, his Military Cross, and his Companion of the Order of the Bath. He died in 1957, his vehicles, in my opinion, a tribute to the ingenuity of the British engineer.

Sources used:
Timelines of World War II, 1942, 1943, 1944: Wikipedia
Churchill Crocodile: Wikipedia
Dieppe Raid: Wikipedia
Hobart's Funnies: Wikipedia
Percy Hobart: Wikipedia
Churchill Tank: Wikipedia
Sun Tzu's Art of War
Personal knowledge, or what little there is of it.