Fictional 3: Battlestation (Battalion Wars)

Fictional 3 : Battlestation (Battalion Wars)

“Qa-Len's pathetic assault was no match for the immortal fury of my Iron Legion! Now I shall deal my cruellest blow! Stoke the furnaces, fire up the engines, arm all batteries! Release the BATTLESTATION!” - Lord Ferrok, on the first Battlestation to be used in battle, during Incursion.

From: Battalion Wars (Nintendo Gamecube, 2005)
Number built: 25+. In use by 4 armies.
Weight: Unknown.
Length: Unknown.
Width: Unknown.
Height: Unknown.
Crew: 6
Engine: Varies between diesel and steam-electric, depending on army.
Armament: 2x artillery (88 mm) or naval guns (12 inch), 2x or 4x anti-vehicle turrets, 3x .50 cal machine guns.

Background: Right, at some point whenever I do the next fictional one, I'll see if I can actually find some specs on it, instead of this vague 'Unknown' stuff.

So, the Lightning Wars, 200 years before the events of Battalion Wars 2, where the Iron Legion, having conquered the rest of the world, marched on the Solar Empire, and their empress, Qa-Len.

Slowly, the Iron Legion was beaten back to Old Xylvania, and trapped there by anti-air frigates, as the Solar Empire began to try to gain a foothold.

Lord Ferrok, the Iron Legion's leader, responded by designing, and penning the name of Battlestation, himself, which was promptly deployed after his forces fought off 7 attack waves of Solar Empire troops. When it's unleashed, things go badly for the Sols, as they get quickly crushed, losing a number of gunships and heavy tanks in the process.

The Solars, fearing losing the war, respond by deploying a superweapon, a big damn killer satellite, which creates a freaking big crater which resembles an asteroid impact, and the Iron Legion loses by virtue of being annihilated, dinosaur-style.

The Battlestation turns up in a variety of battles, mainly used by the Xylvanians throughout the two Battalion Wars games, and each time if you don't have your own heavy firepower, you get to play the fun game of hit and run away like a little girl before it blows you back to your country.

Even if it is under the control of the AI, which can be kinda useless.

In other words, think of it this way. The original design is 200 years old. It has remained unchanged since then, or with only minor modifications.

What does it do? And why should I be afraid of it?

“Unleash the Tundran Battlestation!” - Marshal Nova, on the Mammothka Battlestation, being deployed in the snowy wastes of Tundra as part of Day of Reckoning.

It's a super-tank. It's big, it rattles, it shrieks, it clunks, and it probably drinks enough fuel to drain about 4 large oil fields, or get rid of 6 forests, and that's not mentioning the amount of smoke it generates when moving. It does not give a damn about ecology, or about solar panels, mostly because it's a tank. Tanks aren't known for political viewpoints.

Hearing it engage the enemy is beautiful, from the mechanical coughing of the main cannon, to the noises from the other two turrets, to the crackle of machine gun fire, as it sets about blowing up light tanks, annihilating infantry and any poor aircraft that is in range and hasn't taken off yet.

Of course it has counters, like an air strike, from helicopters or bombers. Or a naval bombardment, maybe. Or your own Battlestation.

If you don't have that, maybe you could lure it off a cliff or crack away at it with your lighter units (which is everything else on the ground.), or harsh propaganda.

It was impressive in the first game, even though the aiming system was average, but the Western Frontier smashed through Xylvanian defenses with it, first on the Coral Atolls, and second, while marching towards Xylvania itself.

The Iron Legion would have reconquered the world with theirs, if it wasn't for the superweapon being deployed.

Tundra used theirs to put an end to the events of the second game, in impressive fashion, taking out the heavily defended Mining Spider which would have given Kaiser Vlad, the leader of Xylvania, the Solar Empire's superweapon, which had been sealed away.

None of this may make much sense to those that haven't played it. But think of it this way. Heavily-armoured tank that cannot effectively be engaged in a ground war, that spews smoke, shells and death, and is nearly immune to your bazookas.

Sources:
Battalion Wars
Battalion Wars 2
Battlestation – Battalion Wars Wiki
Battlestation – Wars Wiki

Fictional 2: The Battleship Halberd (Kirby)

Fictional 2: The Battleship Halberd (Kirby)

“Fight me.” - Meta Knight.

From: Kirby Super Star (Super Nintendo Entertainment System, 1996)
Number built: 1
Weight: Unknown
Length: Unknown
Width: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Crew: 9.
Engine: Reactor, powering 3 small, and 1 large, vents at the rear of the ship.
Armament: 1x Combo Cannon (claw, laser and cannon), bomb bay, 8x double-barrelled laser turrets, 2x wing-mounted laser cannons, 1x main cannon, 10x side mounted laser turrets, 6x (12?) various other mounted laser cannons, ranging between double to triple barrelled, unknown amount of missile launchers. (SSBB), 16x single shot cannon, 1x double shot cannon, 4x triple shot cannon, 1x laser cannon, 8x flamethrower, (Kirby's Epic Yarn), let's just call it pretty well armed, without mentioning the other games or anime that it's in.

Background: Before I begin, I must confess that isn't a full and accurate description of the weaponry it has, I'm fairly sure it has a few others that I haven't been able to 100% confirm. But yes, that does make it over 30 various cannons and claws and other things on the thing. If wanted, I can try to recheck the weapons shown, but... dear god, it would only make the number, and length of the armament section even higher and longer.

Alright, so, this is the Battleship Halberd, personal ship of Meta Knight, the enigmatic knight of the Kirby series, who often acts as a friend and a foe to the pink blob, and who obviously believes that anything less then 20 guns on something is underarmed.

Anyway, Meta Knight's really into the code of honour thing, and whenever he and Kirby end up fighting, he always throws a sword out, so that Kirby can fight against Meta Knight's legendary sword, Galaxia, which is a pretty neat looking sword that shocks anybody unworthy of wielding it, while firing sword beams and other things that real swords can't do.

So, the Halberd was created by Meta Knight to take over Dream World, to put an end to the inhabitants being lazy (Although, to be honest, he could do that just by firing at the ground, they'd run soon enough, I know I would.), and Kirby sets about destroying it, since he's got no respect for giant flying death machines.

He gets to the reactor, since video games don't recognise such cunning tactics like locking the door, throwing the key into the ocean, and mocking loudly, and blows it up, causing the Halberd to crash into the Secret Sea.

Afterwards, the Halberd is raised from the sea floor, and heads to the Gamble Galaxy under Kirby's control, because Meta Knight challenged Kirby and lost.

And it makes an appearance in Kirby's Epic Yarn, as an optional last level, as a side scrolling shooter.

What does it do? And why should I be afraid of it?

“The bow looks like his mask. What kind of weirdo puts his face on the bow of a ship, anyway?” - Snake Solid, on the Halberd.

As mentioned above, it is a flagship. Now, flagships, by themselves, are usually impressive (Yes, even the Icelandic flagship), and this is no exception.

The numbers for the armament mentioned above are fairly accurate, and if not, it's because I've missed some. Missed some as in, they could be even higher then what's listed.

In Super Smash Brothers Brawl, it's shown under the command of the Subspace Army, after Meta Knight failed to prevent them overrunning his ship (Thanks, King Dedede.), and was thrown off. It does a variety of thing, like creating Primids from the shadow bugs dropped from the bomb bay doors, to shooting down Arwings, to shooting down the Great Fox, with excessive amounts of inaccurate, but heavy firepower.

It gets shot down by the Subspace Gunship, which I mentioned in a previous article, but allows the heroes to invade Subspace, and generally raise a bit of hell.

In Kirby's Epic Yarn, Kirby battles through the Halberd, destroying the weaponry on it, and eventually the reactor, in an optional final stage.

It appears in Kirby : Right Back At Ya!, where it's able to rip through a UFO thing called a Destrayer, and shrug off hits from them in return, although it eventually gets destroyed.

Ultimately, whatever shape it's in, (The layout and design keeps changing between games), or whatever material it's made from (Including wool!), it is covered in guns, and will easily enjoy ripping through whatever is in range, with a absolutely tiny crew.

Be afraid. Unless you're a pink blob.

Sources:
Halberd: The Kirby Wiki
Meta Knight: The Kirby Wiki
Revenge of Meta Knight: The Kirby Wiki
Super Smash Bros Brawl

Fictional 1: The Subspace Gunship (SSBB)

Fictional 1: The Subspace Gunship (SSBB)

“Once the mass production of Subspace gunships yielded a certain number of units, it would then be possible to launch all of them through the hole at once. Once the gunships were in our world, there would be no way to stop them from dragging all the remaining pieces of our world into theirs.” - The Self-Destruction of the Isle of Ancients, Smash Bros DOJO!!

From: Super Smash Brothers Brawl (Nintendo Wii, 2008)
Number built: 1, maybe more.
Weight: Unknown.
Length: Unknown
Width: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Crew: 2, or above.
Engine: Unknown.
Armament: 1x Subspace Cannon, 5x Triple-barrelled Laser Turrets (Orange), 10x Side-mounted lasers (Green)

Background: First of all, don't take unknown to mean it's small or anything, this thing is absolutely goddamn massive. I mean, it has to be at least bigger then most islands in our world. And I'm not kidding.

Right, so Tabuu is working on turning the World of Trophies into Subspace by means of Subspace Bombs, which are powered by two R.O.B.s (which I may touch on in a later article). As for why, according to Smash Bros DOJO!!, he is the embodiment of Subspace, and as such, cannot leave it to enter the World of Trophies.

To do so, he uses the Ancient Minister's forces (The R.O.B.s) to create the Subspace Bombs from the Isle of Ancients, which, when they explode, draw large areas of the World of Trophies into Subspace, where they have to be connected to other regions of Subspace.

Even though a great many areas are destroyed in this way, the heroes slowly progress towards the Isle of Ancients, which is fairly bad for the villains, and as such, the Subspace Bombs that were being made on it were detonated to bring forth the Subspace Army's ultimate weapon.

A effing massive goddamn ship.

What does it do? And why should I be afraid of it?
“Ganondorf made the Subspace Bomb factory self-destruct in order to draw this ultimate weapon out from Subspace. It's capable of infinitely rending space, and it's firepower is greater than that of any weapon. It exists to draw all of this world into Subspace, but the last-ditch efforts by the fighters might prevent this.” - Trophy description of Subspace Gunship, Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

Right, you saw that huge cannon sticking out the front, right? That emulates a Subspace Bomb, but at range.

Now, that is very bad in terms of world not being destroyed/drawn into Subspace.

The Gunship only appears in one cutscene, 'The Great Invasion', so we don't know the construction facility, or the date, or who it's first kiss was with.

All that's known is that it has a crew of at least 2, and that it is absolutely gorgeous for a superweapon.

So, Ganondorf gives the order by pointing, and the Gunship charges up and fires, ripping apart some air and sea since Ganondorf is too manly to consider using a normal fishing rod to get his fish.

The reclaimed Battleship Halberd comes rocketing in from another direction after to have a go at screwing up their plans, and that's when the five laser turrets appear, and raise hell, ripping apart the Halberd with two glancing blows, and one shot that rips right through it, nose to tail or bow to stern, depending on what you call a flying ship.

It seems bad, but then the main theme starts playing as the five heroes on board bail out safely in their various craft, Samus and her Gunship, Olimar and the Hocotate Ship, Falco's Arwing, and Captain Falcon's Falcon Flyer, and start ripping towards the Subspace Gunship.

Cue Nintendo's attempt at a bullet hell shooter as the ten other laser cannons start firing, with all of the shots missing, because it would be pretty horrible to see one of the heroes be ripped apart by a giant laser beam. After a few seconds of the four ships racing towards the Gunship, there is a twinkle in the sky as Kirby (Yes, the pink blob that goes HAAAAAIIII and sucks more than an Electrolux.) appears on the Dragoon, and rips straight through the ultimate weapon of the Subspace Army, causing the Subspace Gunshp to blow up for the last 30 seconds of the cutscene, while the Dragoon gets off scot-free.

Ganondorf and Bowser get to head back through the void, presumably to have a sulk at about why they lost the a pretty damn sexy weapon.

Ultimately, the ultimate weapon kinda failed, but think back to the top quote.

These things were to be mass produced, and sent through en-masse. Now, assuming that it's above, say, 4, that would be pretty frightening to go up against. Instead, they sent one through, and took out a battleship that is, being ridiculously generous, a twentieth of it's size, and some ocean.

It's enough to make you want to cry.

Sources:
Smash Bros DOJO!!: Mysteries of The Subspace Emissary
Subspace Gunship: Mario Wiki
Subspace Gunship: SmashWikia
Subspace Bomb: SmashWikia
Subspace: SmashWikia
Isle of (the) Ancients: SmashWikia
Subspace Emissary: The Great Invasion: Youtube
Super Smash Brothers Brawl